Sound Off

This post will be kind of random, but it's just some things I"ve been thinking about lately that I don't want to forget. It's going to get long winded.

Cops

I don't feel protected by my local law enforcement. A policeman just strolled in here a couple minutes ago and let me tell you something... he could have literally passed for a pig. If I'm being chased down by some creep and one of our fat officers comes to the rescue, my bet is that the creep is going to get his duty done before the cop can come within flagpole distance of saving me.

I also feel like I'm always hearing about the "dirty" cops in L-town backing up a certain drug lord whose name I will not disclose. I have no proof or evidence. All I have is word of mouth and the fact that there can't be a whole lot going on over here to get these guys excited. When you were a loser in high school who got pushed around and then you decide to become part of a group of people who can push anyone you want to around, you're going to take advantage of the perks. I knew some kids in high school who had weed confiscated from them on the street with a WARNING! Last time I checked a 15 year old with drug paraphanilia should be getting his butt thrown in jail or at least have their parents contacted. Wonder what the cops did with all that weed?

Work and Humility

There's something admirable about those Amish people. They work to survive. If they don't churn that butter, they aren't going to eat. If they don't shear the sheep, they won't have clothes on their backs. What do I go to work for? To make a dollar to pay rent and my debts. Maybe even save up to take a vaca or buy a new outfit.

I feel the problems with the economy are a blessing in disguise. Now that we're in an economic crisis and people are losing their jobs, it's forcing us to become more humble. Why does it take tragedy to make us realize what's most important? I feel like too often we get caught up in what I'm driving, what I'm wearing, what my house looks like, what if I miss my show? Thank goodness for DVR. But then money gets tight and the clothes, and the weekend getaways and the TV is gone. Sure, they are things you'll miss, but will your heart yearn for them the way your heart will when you lose that family member or someone close to you that you wish you could have spent more time with, but were too preoccupied with your"stuff"?

I find that I'm genuinely the happiest when I'm with my family and closest friends playing games or just doing nothing, when I'm doing something selfless for someone else just to make them smile, or when I'm busy getting something accomplished instead of sitting on my butt wathing TV, waiting for a good laugh.

I'm slowly learning that there are only two things we've been promised to keep from this earth when we die. The knowledge we gain and our families. So for my late new years resolution I'm going to try to fight harder to keep those things closer to me.

Don't think I'm a weirdo. I'm still going to watch The Office and What Not To Wear and feel bad for myself because I'm not on a sunny beach gettin my tan on and I don't think ALL cops are dirty. I was just feeling insightful.

Love and the Beav... :)

I made it back from boarding alive with no accidents!(actually one of us had a different kind of "accident", ya know, the one that involves wetness in the crotchal region, but I'll leave the guessing of who it was to you)

We brought K-dawg along for the ride and it was her first time too so we got to learn together.

Derelict was an excellent teacher. If you're interested in lessons he charges by the hour and you have to repay him in sexual favors. So you can imagine what the rest of our night was like.

wink* wink* Poor Kelsey... she had no idea what she was getting into.

:) jk

I'm excited to go again, even though today is the first day I've been able to walk unlike a pedafile who just came back from a vicious male prison.

And check out the board they gave me...

If you look closely it says

MOM KIM

How creepy is that?

For those of you who don't know my mom's name is Kim.

It's like she's always watching...

And a bonus pic for your viewing pleasure

I know, I know you're diggin the gloves.

Next time I'm in the 80's I'll buy you some with a matching fanny pack.

I also want to point out that...

Love Day is coming soon!

In honor of this wonderful day where we express our love for people/things

((Things I love in no particular order) people I don't like from high school getting fat and proving their dumbness on their blogs, my blog stalkers, asparagus, being a cougar (An 18 yr old gave me his number the other day), my bff's, Costa Vida, my family, Derrick, The Office....)

I've made a Love Mix that's perfect for rockin out to and it's sure to get ya in the mood for your V-day celebrations. 60% of the time it works, every time. Be sure to check it out.

Terrixcited

K, I'm going snowboarding for the first time EVER tomorrow!!! I haven't even been on skis since I was like 10. And I couldn't ever get off of the lift without falling. Ha! Then the dude would stop it and come over and help me up and I'd be all awkwardly shy and embarrassed and oh my.... let's just not even go there.
B.U. I took you with me once, I'm sure you remember. :)

On ward ski nights my parents would always just sit up in the lodge and send me out with a trainer. And then the next day at school I'd get made fun of for still having to be taught year after year. I'd just tell the kids I was with my sister, not a trainer ,and they would believe me cuz the other kids were always whizzin past me while I was on my butt in the snow. The trainer was always a dude too. Sorry sisters. I gotta protect my rep.

I'm a little bit excited and a lot a bit terrified.
Any advice and prayer offerings would be appreciated because I need another hospital bill about as bad as I need another patch of cellulite on my A.

Crawlin The Walls

Sometimes my job is beyond boring! I used to read, but they put the kibosh on that and surfing the net can only be entertaining for so long. Plus I feel like my eyesight is going.... and my work blocks like everything. Facebook, Myspace, Games, Midget Porn. I seriously just can't win! Anyway, I've found a couple of fun things that keep me entertained that I thought I would share.

80's Lyrics Quiz

This is a little fill in the blank 80's songs thing that's kinda fun.

There's a 90's one too, but I'm way better at the 80's one.

Oh wait! My job isn't totally boring! I get to talk to crazies who never shutup. For example: I just got the privilege to speak with the "Owner" of Hill Air Force Base...

He must be the whole Air Force. Watch Out! He's a big deal.

50 States in 10

This one is good for when you have 10 specified minutes to waste. The end of the day, Right before lunch break, when Mr. Crazy comes up and there's a clock ticking down on the screen and I say... I'm sorry Sir, I'd love to talk to you, but I have to take a test and I only have 8 minutes and 36 seconds left." Point to screen. "Have a good day!" Fake smile... and I'm free!And I'm now addicted to a little matching game called Midas Majhong. I have to be very sneaky when I play though, cuz if I'm not I'll get in trouble.

Stick it To the Man!

And that's about it other than blog stalking. I need help! And it's not like I'm lazy. I've asked for more responsibilites and been shut down. TWICE. I was told... My most important job is to answer the phone and greet customers, but when the phone doesn't ring and customers don't come in and I'm done with everything else what the crap am I supposed to do?!!! Pick my nose until I find my brain? Sorry, but ew.

So, if anyone has anything they need done such as knitting, prank calls, thank you notes, vaca planning, shopping, cooking (we have an oven and a stove upstairs), blackmailing etc... I'm your girl!

Apples to Apples, Dust to Dust

Ok I'm doing better. The sun started shining and it's amazing how a little bit of exercise can make you feel like a million bucks! I haven't been tanning yet and I didn't think it was that big of a deal until I gave some massages this weekend and my arms were as white as people's backs that haven't seen the sun in YEARS people! Years...*shudder*

And this guy at work keeps telling me I look pale or he'll say "You look really white today"
I know he's just concerned, but I'm gettig a complex.
Too bad I can't pull of Nicole Kidman's see through skin look.

We played Apples to Apples with my family last night and I can't remember the last time I threw up so much in my mouth. At least it was fresh. :)

Alright if you haven't played before #1 you should get out more and #2 this is how it's played
The judge picks a Green card with a word on it. Everyone else playing has 7 Red cards in their hand. The other players throw in one Red card that they think is a desribing word of the Green card and the judge picks the best one.

Seriously, this is what happened. My Mom was the judge and her Green card word was Sensuous meaning desirable, erotic, heavy, hot, provacative, passionate, seductive, sexy, steamy, x-rated. Take your pick.
And my Dad throws in the card... MY PAST.

There's more.

My Dad was the judge and his Green card was Sexy.
My mom throws in... HANDCUFFS.
And then when my Dad was debating on which Red card to pick cuz he didn't want to spend the night cleaning up vomit my Mom kept screaming "Handcuffs are SEXY!!!"
And she wouldn't stop ... :(

There was one more incident, but I just started blocking them out, so when you're saying your prayers tonight be sure you don't forget to add that you're eternally grateful that you were spared.

To: those kinky freaks (my parents)
From: your offspring (me)
I can't even look you in the face anymore so after I spoon my eyes out do me a favor and send me away.
I hope you guys have saved enough money to put me in a padded room.
Thanks a lot.

Who am I?

I feel... weird. I think it's the BS weather. Winter seriously depresses me. And not like "OMG it's snowing! I think I might die" depression. It's like I want to pack up without a word, move away where no one knows me and where I can get down my driveway without droppin the F bomb and almost crashing my car into a tree/fence/snow drift. I just don't feel like myself.

I sound like that commercial.


Where does depression hurt?
Everywhere.
(picture me huddled over on the couch with a grayish cast to my face)

Who does depression hurt?
Everyone.
(picture Derrick in the next room, with a face full of pain and worry and about to cry because I've turned into a vegetable)


I think I'm a pretty happy person for the most part, but like yesterday I bought a new car and I'm not even excited. What kind of a sick freak doesn't get excited about a new car? I guess if it were free I would have liked it better.


So here's the plan.

The Gym.
It's time to pump some iron, sweat Gatorade, and pee clear because all I drink is water.

How can I sweat Gatorade when all I drink is water?

I'm just that talented. Put me on a commercial!

Fake Bake.
But I won't tell anyone. I'll just pretend it's natural and if you catch me I'll you tell my doctor recommended it because I need the Vitamin D. Leather skin will become my best friend.

Learning.
I NEVER LEARNED TO READ! I want to take a class. In anything. Dance, Anatomy, Planned Parenthood.
Haha!!! JK guys. I got you good though. Admit it.


I think that this little sadness problem is the reason for lack of posts. So New Years was fun, Christmas was great and if you see me passed out in the street from overexertion at the gym or because I sobbed myself into a puddle of tears and melted snow. (the snow melted cuz I'm smokin hot from the gym OR uvb rays are cooking my insides and trying to find their way out.) Please pick me up and slap me across the face. If I'm a REAL mess you can kick me in the crotch or punch me in the ovaries (they'll be shriveled up like raisins from tanning anyway).

I won't even be mad.

Let There Be Light

Derrick took me up to Preston on Wednesday night to look at the lights. There's this house up there that is CRAZY! I can't imagine what their electricity bill is.

From the Road

Some Lawn Decor

The Roof

I heard this is the last year these crazies are doing this, which is sad cuz we go up there every year. :( If you wanna see it you better get up there quick!

Shout Hooray!

My sister and my nephew both had b-days in the last little while, so it's time for the name thing!!!

We'll start with Caleb

C-Cute

A - Adorable

L - Little

E - Energetic

B - Baby

And now for Britt Britt

B - Bangin

R - Radical

I - Infamous (she's more than famous)

T - Tantilizing

T - Terrific

N - Not 30 Yet

I - Incredible

Happy B-day Peeps! Love ya

I Get Knocked Down, But I Get Up Again

Well, life was good. I just payed my car off, my insurance dropped this summer and then BAM! I almost hit a cement barrier with my car. I'm alive though.

Here's a full report from the victim/driver/freakin idiot

To get home from work I have to turn left onto a highway that's in a canyon. So I wait in the median and look in my rearview and kinda pick up speed so I can pull to the right and go with the flow of traffic. On Saturday I was doing just that and when I looked to the front of me I realized that I was coming up on the cement wall that comes in place of the median a little too fast, so I freaked. I hurried and swerved to the right to miss it and when my tires hit the rumble strips I could tell trying to steer my car was a lost cause. I just let go. Then I heard metal crunch and I was airborn.

When I landed I could tell that a few of my bottom teeth were not where they should be. And then I really freaked because I had a dream like 2 nights before the accident that those exact same teeth were loose in my mouth and I pulled them out! So I pulled those suckers back into place and that's when I realized I was stuck inside my car. Cue claustrophobia. I was crawling around frantically wondering where the crap my seats went and where my door handles were. Then I saw a girl tapping on my rearview window. She came and opened my passenger door and I was free.

My shoes flew off somehow so I'm walking around in a panic and everyone started asking me how old I was and what my name was and stuff and I kept saying I'm 21, I'm 21. :( I'm really not. How sad.

Then they sit me in a car and I start crying hysterically and shaking all over. It still makes me queasy to think about what happened. All these what if's and why's keep running through my head. I just take a Vicodin and that seems to make it stop. I see a lady being put on a stretcher and some little kids getting out of a car and I start crying even more hysterically. Did I kill someone? Did I hurt the kids? Why didn't anybody tell me I hit another car? Where's my brain? Did I leave that in my car?

This lady starts calling an ambulance for me and I'm on the phone with Derrick and he's like if you think you'll alright I'll just come up and get you so you don't have to pay for the ambulance. And I was like ok. No ambulance for me. And then the lady starts pushing me to go, but I freakin don't want one or think I need one. She reluctantly hands me some papers to sign and I step out of the car to get into Derrick's truck.

Whoa! Cop in my face. "Where's your insurance card? I need it. Do you think it's in your car?" Points to my upside down car like he wants me to go crawling through the broken glass to get into my glove box to find it. And he wouldn't lay off it either. Umm I don't know where it is officer sir. Why don't you get down there and find it if you need it so bad. You don't seem to be bleeding profusely from your mouth and in such a state of shock that you don't even care that you're wearing black hooker boots with dark brown work pants.

So anyway I can't ever seem to make a long story short or even a short story short, but for your eyes sake I'll make an attempt

I went to the hospital, nothings wrong except for my mouth and on Sunday I got to have surgery on it. They stitched up the cut on my lip and put stitches all through my teeth and popped a bone in my jaw back into place and I have braces on the back of my bottom teeth. I feel like a 15 year old again. I need someone to take me to Twilight and buy me a magazine with Robert Pattinson on the cover to make me feel better like pronto!

Everyone in the other car is fine. Their airbags deployed and the airbag broke the drivers arm. They said that when they hit me I was on two wheels. People pay other people big bucks for driving skills like that. I'm applying to Nascar. I'd fit in perfectly if I'd lost my teeth. I'd change my name to Racey Carr and make sure I bought a skin tight racin suit and unzip it just enough to stay true to my new first name.

Speaking of racy....

Eat your heart out

Here's my new lips. Move over Angelina.

Here's ma noo Grill

Extreme Close Up (Kinda sick huh?!)

Yeah, you like that? There's more where that came from.
Quit covering your eyes. Don't fight it.

And here's what's left of The Black Beauty

Now I'll count my blessings. One By One

1. I didn't kill anyone

2. My 7 pound holiday weight gain will be nonexistent this year because I've taken up anorexia due to my awesome mouth wounds

3. I get a new car

4. It could have been a lot worse than it was

5. I got a lot of drugs

6. My insurance is covering a lot more than I thought they would.

I could go on but I'll stop with

7. My wonderful family and friends

I'm very lucky to have such great people in my life and it seriously chokes me up to even type about it. How gay am I? (not in that way)

To prevent my keyboard water damage I'll make it short and sweet.

Here's a total sincere heartfelt shout out and thank you and I love you and I don't know where I'd be without you to all the people that I'm thankful for and that I love and that I don't know where I"d be without!

*****SHOUT OUT*****

Crikey to the Sweet Pork and Aye Matie to the Movie!

So I made Sweet Pork, Cilantro Lime Rice, and Cilantro Ranch Dressing on Saturday in hopes that we would be able to have Costa Vida salads! Apparently my reading skills weren't up to par that day because I didn't realize that the pork takes like 6 hours to make.

I go to the store get the stuff I need and apparently Wal-Mart doesn't carry tomatillos (yeah, if you're thinking "What the crap is a tomatillo?", we were on the same page).

So I went home put all the stuff in the crock pot that needed to go in and then went to Smiths to find a tomatillo. They had some woot woot and then I went to Sugar and Spice to buy some cute Christmas lights. So I was gone like an hour. Come back home and realize that the POS crock pot Derrick has doesn't work. :(

Get back in the car and go back to Walmart to get a new one on Black Friday weekend. I must be mental. All the crock pots that were under $30 were gone.

Shopko it is. I found some! But I'm a total debater when it comes to purchases like that because I'll want it to last for a long time and I'm going to want it to match my kitchen when I grow up. Do I go sophisticated and get a stainless steel one cuz I might have a stainless steel appliance kitchen one day or do I get a red one so it throws a little color and warmth and freakin awesome fun spunk into cooking or do I get black because it goes with everything from modern to traditional. Except it doesn't go with brown. And what if I want a neutral cream tan and brown kitchen when I grow up? I just got black and said screw it.

She's a beaut isn't she? Totally worth the stress.

Go back home, throw the food the new CP and start hanging up the Christmas lights I got at Sug and Spi and break a bulb. My life sucks. Turns out my sweet pork won't get done until like 12:30 AM so me and Derelict went to Fredricos with Gordon and Godi for din din.

We didn't even have time to eat our Salads until last night, but they were dang good! Totally drool worthy. Whoever figured out these recipes is a genius. Who knows if I'll ever take the time to make it again because it's easier just to buy it, but I'm excited for my lunch today cuz there's tons of leftovers! Only half an hour to go!

After we ate Derrick took me to Australia. This is the best movie I"ve seen in a long time! Two very enthusiastic thumbs up. I loved it and I loved Hugh. He does a good job at being the Sexiest Man Alive.

The recipes I used for the delish salads are here... Click Me