Goodbye March and winter

Wow, what a stupid, sucky month March is. It's like all sunny and beautiful looking outside and then you go out there and your nipples could poke someones eye out! Plus, we were sick ALL MONTH LONG!! Flu, sinus infections, colds... this picture pretty much sums it up.

 So, on to April! I hope you are nice to us :) Here are some winter pictures that I am too lazy to individually post about. This is mostly a post for me to keep memories, so if you are bored #sorrynotsorry

Christmas cuteness. Eva got her very own makeup set because I thought it would help keep her out of mine. She likes it, but has eaten half of it and still prefers the real thing.

Eva had an awesome cardboard condo to play in for a couple of months. Everyone who reads this, NEVER throw away a big box. I will drive 1000 miles to come get it from you. This was the best entertainment ever!

Ever since Eva could crawl she has loved to put stuff over her eyes (blankets, hats, sheets, her shirt) and try to walk around. One day she is going to get seriously injured, but for now she just cracks herself up.

Snow fun! She LOVED promontory snow day. She would hunt Papa Don down to take her for a ride. She also loves to just eat it. All winter I would frequently catch her eating snow off my tires and in parking lots. And I wonder why we are always sick! I loved promontory snow day too. Angela and I were dumbfounded that outside in winter could be fun. I also discovered that my winter weight gain + Griffen can tip over a snowmobile. How EMBARRASSING! And my dad is a crazy psycho sled driver. I'm surprised I don't have frostbite face after going on a ride with him.

That is all for tonight folks! Love you, bye!

Birthday Girl

How does someone change from this:

To this:

In just two years?? :( How sad.

Eva's actual birthday was actually pretty crappy. She had croup and it was beyond scary! One minute she would be fine and the next she would be gasping for air. I hated it! Here are some pretty dang sad pictures of the birthday girl.

See that big old scratch on her face in the first picture? That was because when I went to InstaCare for her breathing treatment they left me in there all alone to hold the mask on her face and hold her down. Um, do they think I am secretly an octopus? I wonder if they would have been shocked to find out that I only have two arms! Poor Eva was terrified and fought me the whole time which resulted in her gouged little face.  

And don't even get me started on the incompetence of the THREE doctors we saw in 24 hours! The first doctor said it was a just a little cold and to come back if she didn't feel better in TEN days. What the fudge word? I paid $100 for that?! I could kill someone. 

The second doctor actually diagnosed it as croup and gave us a steriod. I have a nebulizer (breathing machine) for my asthma and when I asked him if I could use it on Eva and he said it wouldn't make a difference. And then he told us to "Get out of here." Like Eva was the most disgusting child with an illness he had ever seen. Still debating whether or not I should call the clinic and make a big deal out of that. What do you think?

The third doctor was actually helpful and gave me a prescription, but I had to ask for it. So, if your kid ever gets croup here is a tip, ask for a prescription for a nebulizer and some Albuterol. I probably gave Eva 10 treatments and if I hadn't had it I guarantee we would have ended up in the ER more than once. 

Eva eventually quit fighting us when she figured out that the breathing treatments made her feel better and the poor thing even started asking for them!

We had her party a couple of weeks later. Every time someone would knock on the door she would run to see who it was and after she saw her visitors she would scream and jump and run in circles like a maniac! I guess we need more company over here.

Derrick and I gave her a Cabbage Patch baby that looks like she did when she was a baby. Eva is a first time mom and she's having a hard time adjusting. Sometimes she loves little Harlow Karina and sometimes she wants nothing to do with her. I just keep telling her that postpartum can be rough and she'll eventually get the hang of it.

The Jensen's got her a little toaster, The Freeze's got her a Disney Princess sing-a-long movie, Gma and Gpa Bodine gave her some new books, Gma and Gpa Anderson are getting her a kid size table and chairs, and Aunt Shaela got her a magnadoodle. She loves it all!

 This was our most successful family picture for the evening. My house is a disaster, but give me a break. I just had, like, 25 people over! Okay, it's a disaster even when people aren't over, but that will be my excuse for this picture.

After mostly everyone had gone home Eva experienced her first post birthday party hangover. First, she dragged my rug underneath the light and just laid on it for, like, 15 minutes.

Then, she decided to put her underwear on her head and run around like a cray cray for about ten minutes.

Then, it got really quiet and I couldn't see her anywhere. She was just under the tramp recouping.

To sum up she is doll face and we love having a two year old, even though just a few hours ago, I found her butt freaking naked in her crib with pee all over her sheets. Sorry, no pics of that pervy pervs!

And just in case you aren't sick of reading about my kid here is a little picture I made to help me remember what she is like as a two year old. 

Photo courtesy of my fabulous cousin @ Amber Honey Photography

Favorite things: Vanity Edition

Every. dang. day.

But seriously, do you ever go through stages where you feel bleh and want to paperbag your face? I do. I just look in the mirror and it's like Ham Porter is right behind me saying, "If my dog were as ugly as you, I'd shave it's butt and tell it to walk backwards." 

I started reading a new blog a few months ago. The Honeybee. This woman is everything I want to look like and dress like. Although, my MoMo undies and saggy mom breasts probably wouldn't go well with most of her outfits. (I don't even feel like breasts is an accurate description of my boobs anymore. Breasts just sounds too sexy. Floppy chest ornaments? Hmmm, too long. I'll think of something. But just know for a fact that I would fit right in with those naked ladies in National Geographic these days.) Seriously, look at her post baby body! Um, do I sound obsessed? She might need to get a restraining order on me.

One night after perusing her blog I literally googled "lip injections". Then, I found out that they are way expensive and don't always have the best looking or most long lasting results. So, I looked on YouTube for a tutorial on "how to make your lips appear fuller." And, I stumbled upon a drag queens video on how he/she makes his/her lips more womanly. Haha! I was so uncomfortable. And then, I died laughing. What the heck is wrong with me?

Anyway, I concluded that all us creatures with lady parts (and some without according to that YouTube video I couldn't stop watching) just want to feel pretty. And while I can only afford pretty at drug store prices (with the occasional splurge) I thought I would share my favorite things BEAUTY.

Burt's Bees Tinted Lip Balm

This is a new one for me, but it's been love at first lip smack. I have absolutely no pigment to my lips. We are talking Zombie lips! Therefore,  my lips get hammered from wearing lipstick all of the time. I was desperate for something healing, with a little color and this is the ticket. I have the "Rose" shade. It's perfect and natural looking. "Just a kiss of color"! MUAH!

Maybelline Color Tatoo Eye Shadow




If you use a light hand this is an excellent base. Your eyelids butt cracks (creases) don't show up ALL the live long DAY. 

MAC Eye Kohl Eyeliner in Teddy

This is my splurge and has been my go to eyeliner for about the past 7 or 8ish years. Plus a pencil can last me a little over a year, so I consider it justified. I owe my introduction to this beauty to my mother. She has a HUGE  slight makeup obsession. It is described on their website as an "intense bronze". (Really MAC? You make a bajillions of moneys and you can't find someone better to write your eyeliner descriptions?) This is actually a rich brown with a hint of deep plum and gold shimmer. Glides on like butter. If I had one item of makeup to take to my grave this would be it.   

Revlon Lash Potion Mascara

And, I'm ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS on the hunt for a great mascara. I usually stick to L'oreal (they have some great ones!), but I was hearing amazeballs things about this Revlon mascara, so I tried it and it is ever so wonderful! Pick up a tube, you won't regret it! Unless you're a dude. Then, just disregard this entire post. UNLESS you're the drag queen whose movie I watched, then you go for it girl! ... (guy?)  

New year, new post :)

I need a fresh start. Seriously 2013 caused me to get my first prescription for Xanax. So, thank you and goodbye, 2013, you dumb whore.  

I read a quote that said if you write down your goals and someone else know about them then you are like almost a bajillion times more likely to accomplish them. Here are a few things I want to will do this year.

* Get skinnier thighs

* Blog at least 2x a month

(I've also been thinking about starting a new blog. It would be about stuff I cook that is good, how to dress if you are a Mormon ie: DON'T WEAR A SLEEVELESS MAXI DRESS WITH A DOWNEAST CAP SLEEVE UNDERNEATH, Makeup that I buy that makes me look less like a crack whore and more pretty, crap like that. A little more profesh and little less personal than this one. We'll see what happens.)  

* Don't get on the internet until Eva goes down for a nap

* Read more books
* Finish reading the Book of Mormon

*Get a new hairstyle. Ugh, I need serious help here!

* Go on vacation somewhere I've never been before
*Throw/give away 100 things.
(I actually already started this one. It feels wonderful! Somewhere there is a dump full of sweet smelling Bath and Body Works crap I haven't used for years!)

*Make a weekly cleaning schedule and stick to it.

*Use my sewing machine

(got it for Christmas LAST year and it's never even escaped the box. Oopsy!)

I think there are probably 5 or 6 people left who still read when I post. Keep me accountable okie doke?! 

Is it really almost July???!!!

What a crazy year! I want to apologize to my faithful readers because of my blogging absence. I'm not the best at it now that I don't have 8 hours a day, 5 days a week to kill at a mind numbing job! I really do love blogging and I feel like my creativity and spelling smartness are going downhill, so I would love to say that I'm reinstating blackchicken-honey, but I just can't make that promise. I'll do my best though! 

It's crazy to think that 18 months ago I was as big as Shamu. I know I should probably have more kids, but I'm feeling very selfish and I'm just not in the mood to grow a fetus because:  A - it's tough work, B - I'm a wuss, and C- Eva NEVER STOPS! Holy crap, that girl has energy! I just can't explain it. Everyone who babysits her has a hard time keeping up, so it's comforting to know that I'm not the only one who struggles. And, I've had about a million comments about how "busy" she is. Do you think "busy" is another way to say "get your child under control, you crappy mom!" We do love her  a butt load though. Are you ready for a picture overload?

This is the face she makes every time we put sunglasses on her. "Sup, dudes?"

She just looked so tiny and curled up this night. I didn't really capture the cuteness of it, but just take my word for it.

Orphan Eva, before her first haircut and after some oreos.

Helping dad

Who needs dolls? She loves her electronics! Remotes, phones, keyboards. anything with buttons.

Her favorite place to take a rest.

She thinks her camping chair is the shiz!

Anything that can go around her neck is pretty to her. A couple days ago this was her necklace of choice.

And, here she is modeling her mermaid jammies and her breakfast banana. I love how she always crosses her legs in her high chair!

She makes me laugh, and want to tear my hair out, and smile, and almost curl up in a ball and cry every day. 

I love the internet.

Confession: I HATE to do dishes. I loathe the dishes. I would rather scrub a million dirty toilets than do the dishes. And, I swear they never stop. Even if I don't cook anything all day, I have to start the dishwasher at least once. How I lived, like, 2 years without a dishwasher is beyond me. I raise my dish-washed glass to the Amish. You go!

 So, anyway. I will always occasionally let my pans soak in the sink for a night or two.... (or five).
 And then, this happens.



Yeah, you can judge me. I'm filthy. I'm a filthy, filthy girl. I need a spanking. 

I used to just live with these stupid rust rings in my sink, waiting until they would disappear. Until one day I Googled (really spell check, "googled" isn't a word? Get with the times!) "How to get rust stains out of a white sink" and the Google God's introduced me to:

Talk about a poisonous, fume filled, little miracle in a bottle. I love it! Now, as you can see, just a couple little squirts on the rust spots and.... wait for it...

The stains are pretty much gone! No scrubbing. Like I said, a poisonous miracle, right?! 

Then, I just do a little touch up with my bald BF, Mr. Clean and his Magic Eraser (this post has me wondering if I'm slowly killing us with all the chemicals I put in my kitchen sink) and the sink now shines like the top of the Chrysler building! Name that show. I will give you $1.

I hope my little tip helps all you d!rty girls out there!

And because no blog of mine is complete w/o a little Diva action, here you go!