Branded... a Skank

Derrick and I went through the temple on Saturday.

(did anyone else feel the earth shake?)

Yay! We loved it and everyone who came to support us!

It was a way good day EXCEPT...

Yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking.

I've heard it all, and got all the looks.

But it really is a curling iron burn. I did it on Friday.

And it's Tuesday and I still look like a hooker.

I'm going to start telling people that I had a dream I was doing it with Edward Cullen and I woke up with the mark on my neck and then I'll rub my arms like I have the chills.

And then I'll squeal

"AHHH GO TEAM EDWARD!!"

The poor ladies who helped me through the temple...

I might as well have tattooed my forehead.

I'M A FORNICATOR

I had to go purchase my G's and my temple dress and stuff with that on my neck.

Like I said, I got some looks.

Acutally IT got some looks.

It's like I don't have eyes anymore.

I can only imagine what they were thinking.

"She has no business in garments."

"Does she NOT know what "Hazard in the Horizontal" means?"

"She must be from Tremonton."

"It figures, she's not even wearing a CTR ring or a WWJD bracelet!"

"What the flippin fetch is THAT harlot doing in THIS store?"

I'm dying!! I hope it goes away.

I was bored Sunday waiting for Derrick so I was taking some pics in my car.

In this one I was trying to give a serious emphasis.

And that look, ladies and gentleman, is the EXACT eyes bugging out of the skull, tight lipped, veins bulging out of the neck look that I used to get from my mother when I was in trouble.

Scary huh?! I do need the lips a little tighter

:( My poor kids.

Don't Drop the Soap!

I've been having a moment of silence
for the stressed sickly comatose state of my brain.

My friends were really worried about it
so they threw me a thermometer theme party!

And these thermometers were extreme!

Instead of having one round part on the bottom like this....

The theremometers had two round ends and they were all turned upside down.
I know it sounds kind of weird, but I just kind of went with it.

I guess they were feeling bad for my sick stressed out brain
so I got double the thermometer power!

And we had EVERYTHING thermometer.

Thermometer balloons, thermometer straws, a thermometer cake,
I even had a veil with two headed thermometer sequins all over it!

Talk about good times.
I'm feeling much better!

They called Derrick and asked both of us Q's about each other and for every one I got wrong I had to chew a HUGE piece of bubble gum.

Derrick thought it was hilarious so he kept giving off the wall answers so I would get them wrong. Just for that. I'm wearing my lingerie over my G's on our honeymoon. And then when he acts like it isn't hot I'm locking myself in the bathroom and calling my mom.

Haha, who's laughing now, chump?!

And then a very sweet couple we know threw us a Couples Shower!

This is the only pic I have.

The guys we invited were kind of freaked out about it,

(especially my dad)
but it turned out to be way really awesome freaking fun blast!

We got lots of marital advice.

One of the best ones was about fighting naked.

It turned into this big joke and I don't think

Derrick's parents thought it was very funny.

They had the whole unapproving/awkward laugh goin on.

I know some couples who fight for weeks.... Ew.

And THEN Derrick's Mom and his sisters threw me a shower

and my sisters threw me another shower!

Here's a pictorial tribute to them both.

So, lots of showers means lots of

presents, laughing, shrieking out, awkward silences, hugs, pics, perma smiles...

Gotta love it. :)

I guess I'm a zero cow wife.

Place

Flowers

Shoes

Honeymoon

And that's about all we've got set in stone folks.

We've changed reception spots thee times.

Cried like a million times.

Changed photographers twice

AND

Farmed like 10 cold sores.

Why? I'll tell you why.

Freakin A stupid sheep.

Manure flicking cows.

And filthy, filthy swine.

Oh yeah.

We accidently set our wedding day for August 29th.

The Saturday of the Box Elder County Fair.

Dun, Dun, Dun...

Cows are taking precedence over our eternal union.

Maybe it's a sign.

I'm being forced to forfeit everything because all the people my parents invite from Treetown won't come because they'll be too busy getting cancer from breathing in the Carni's cigarrette smoke, playing in animal feces, and inhaling deep fried fair food.

I can't blame them for the food part. We are still getting married the 29th because our honeymoon is booked and so we will still be having a dinner with family and friends and I've seriously contemplated having the wedding dinner at the fair.

How white trash/awesome would that be?!!!

So I'm thinking the reception will be held on September 12th.

Think y'all can pencil that in?

Or is there hay to hauled and hogs to be fed?

Or is it the Bear River Football Homecoming Game?

Dudes. Don't forget to dig in your closet for your nice pants with only 2 poop stains on them and I won't make you wear a black tie. Just wash that boogery loogie stained handkerchief around your neck and put on your black cowboy hat. You'll exude class. Or you could wear your old football jersey or letterman's jacket. You know you want to so just do it. I'm giving you the excuse.

Ladies. Make sure to try to outdo the bride (me) in looks. Seriously because EVERYONE will remember what you looked like walkin through that line and if you aren't fresh you can kiss your good reputation at the salon goodbye. So don't eat for two days, hike your G's up to your boobs, put on your tightest shortest dress, and make your hair HUGER than normal. You want squirrels to be able to hide out and make babies in there.

I Need an Elephant Tranquilizer

ATTENTION ALL SINGLES

IF YOU EVER GET MARRIED...

ELOPE.

I've turned into the most ornery person I know.

I'm like Mrs. Jumbo when she gets pissed.

And my dependency on Pepsi is growing. So, who knows?!

Maybe I will turn into Mrs Jumbo.

Don't cross me or I'll take you down and my fat butt is going right on your head.

Yo Homie, Where You At?!

Here's tha deal yo. I was gonna hook y'all
up PHAT with some a dem engagement pics,
know what I'm sayin,
but we bounced and got a new photographer.

So dis post won't be flashy
and all dat, but if you want an invite to
da dopest wedding around L-Town
hit me back with your address
ya heard?!

flutterby_501 at hotmail dot com

Peace and Love

{Yes, I'm still white. I just started typing and the words started to flow. I can roll with anybody.}

Overreacting? I Don't Think So.

Stuff I Need Before the Big Funeral

{I mean wedding. Haha Oopsy}

1. A total body reconstruction.
Complete with a fantastic booty, perky breasts, and a waist smaller than
the "thing" that men who drive big trucks are compensating for.

2. Crack Cocaine

3. A mom and a mother in law who aren't
on two completely different ends of the spectrum
{it's not that I don't love you, you just couldn't be more different.}

4. A wedding coordinator who has her shiz together.
Really. There's about to be a smack down and we
aren't even that far into it.

5. A couple stiff drinks.

6. A cheap, yet exotic, honeymoon to fall into my lap.

7. A magical cure for cold sores from the Herepes Fairy

8. A year supply of Xanax.