This Heifer's Gonna Calf!

Most of you who read this already know, but for those of you who don't...

IT'S BABY TIME AT THE BODINE'S

We heard the heartbeat yesterday so I figured it was safe to tell EVERYONE. Plus, it's not official until you tell the internet right?!

Cravings?
None. If I could stop throwing up and get that sick taste out of my mouth I'm sure I'd be craving something. It's just not like me to not want to eat. I don't even know who I am anymore. The only thing that is different preference wise is that I used to like my water at room temp. NO ICE. Now I like it ice cold. It's like taking a nice, disturbed sip of Edward Cullen. "What's cooler than bein cool? ICE COLD!! alright, alright, alright alright, alright, alright!" (FYI for those who are over 40: that is a song by Outkast. I know, I know, It's hard to keep up. Just don't worry about it. Occupy your mind with something else. Go try to figure out the DVD player, I dare you. bahaha!)

Emotions?!
On the "boo hoo" scale I think I'm doing very well. Sometimes I cry when I'm hanging my head over the toilet because I don't understand why my fetus hates me so bad. Other than that I've stayed pretty stable. On the "I could shove ice picks in your toenails, cut you with razor blades, and leave you for dead" scale I'm not doing so great. I just figure if I don't end up in prison at night, it's been a good day.

Here's a snippet of the advice we've been given so far:

"Dude, make your wife run and lot and rub aloe vera on her stomach so she doesn't get stretch marks."
-some D-bag Derrick carpools with

"Derrick, remember that milk is just for the baby"
-Chase, my cousin's husband

"I suggest you get a C-Section so that everything stays the same "down there". If you have the baby the other way you'll have shiz leaking out of there all the time"
-a D-bag I have the privilege of working with

(He follows this comment by saying "Hopefully that's not too invasive." Talking about my vagina with someone other than my doctor, invasive?! Pssshhh H-no! I'm totally fine with this. Hey, next time you take a dump let me know and I'll come rub your feet and you can tell me more about this vaginal leakage I'm about to experience, you sickening pig.)

"You can even go waterskiing, if you're careful. It's not the fall that will hurt the baby. You'll hurt the baby when the boat is pulling you out of the water. You'll get power douched."
-Dr. Dibble

To sum up: Pregnancy is Magical.
(That's it, I love it. I'm putting that saying in vinyl above my toilet)