Where do I begin? I'll begin at the beginning. I was given the first Twilight book to read. Read it, liked it. Then I read the second one. Hated it. Then I read the third one and I'm having trouble recalling what happened in that one (I know, I know. I'm going to hell cuz I've only read them once. James might as well come back to life and kill me. I'd let him though. He's a Hottie Pants Vampire) but I do remember liking it. And then I finished the fourth one and I didn't really like it at all. So when I heard the movie was coming out I was like cool, I'll have to go see it.
But the girls at my work were like "BAAAHH!!!!! Twilight movie! OMG! My life is almost complete! Now all I need is a lifesize Edward poster so he can watch me in my sleep!" It's like if it even came up in covo they went into heat. And these girls aren't 16 anymore either. And they're married. So the movie came out and a girl from work went to see it at midnight on Thurs. I walk in the office at 8:00 on Friday and all I'm hearing is Edward, vampire, swoon, suck blood, Bella, Jacob, love on and on and on, So I leave. I go back in around 10:00. They're still Twilight struck. I go back in at 1:00 and I actually had to stay in there for a minute.
Girl 1 (hasn't read the books or seen the movie, but still seems to be obsessed) : "Well how come Edward can stand to be around Bella and not suck her blood, Cuz I know in all the other vampire movies I've seen if a vampire wants a woman he's attracted to he'll just bite her and turn her into a vampiress to be one of his women."
Girl 2 (seen movie 3 times that I know of, and read the books like a gazillion times): "Well cuz Edward loves her so much that he doesn't want to hurt her."
Girl 1: Says pretty much the same thing over again... and then, "Well how come Edward can do that?" Blah Blah Blah
Me(piping up for the first time all day) : Ummm It's Make Believe.
Girl 2 looks at me the way little kids do when they find out Santa isn't real. I saw the shock and the hurt and the disbelief all rolled into one.
Girl 1 turns around and snaps back, "Well I know that, but" and asks the same question over again that she's been asking the entire time.
I leave the room, once again, and don't return.
Yesterday I saw the movie with my mom. What a freakin joke! If I hadn't read the book I probably would have walked out or if I was feeling dramatic I would have bought a licorice rope and tried to hang myself with it. The first hour and a half bites the weenie. And there were grown women there actually laughing at the parts they attempted to make funny. i.e. When Charlie is loading the gun, when Jacob's dad tries to get down with the way teens talk. The only explanation I can offer is that they've just been weaned off of Little House on the Prairie.
Even if I was a 15 year old, I still would have thought this movie sucked. "You'd better hold on tight spider monkey" ??? I almost threw up the Wendys I snuck into my purse to eat in the theatre.
Does Bella even smile with her teeth through any of it? She needs to get off the "depressed teenager because I'm so much more mature than my mom, and my dad, and everyone else I come in contact with combined" phase like pronto or she's gonna get her face kicked in.
I did like the baseball game and the ballet room. Edward was better than I thought he would be. Charlie and Jacob were my favorite though.
If a movie this craptacular can make 70 million in one weekend I can understand why we're in a financial crisis.
Sorry to be a Bella and Edward hater, but I Yam What I Yam.
On a lighter note
This is the best Twilight related media I've seen