Let Me Just Crawl in a Hole and Die

I thought my blog was kind of depressing last time.
So, I thought I'd give you something to point and laugh at today.

Embarrassing Moment #213

I'm in 4th-ish grade.
I'm awkward and skinny and snotty nosed.
All that is pretty much the same

except for the skinny part.

My mom signs me up for a modeling class,
maybe she thought it would boost my self esteem.
Ok.

All the pretty girls I dance with are there.
Insecurity steps up to the plate.
and it is a bad MoFO.
So bad that I'm too afraid to ask if I can use the

restroom because peeing is gross.
I don't want the pretty girls to know I urinate!

The model teacher asks me to get up and
practice the model walk.
Unfortunately for me, in order to

walk this walk you CAN'T have your hand

over your privates AND you have to SEPARATE
your legs from each other.

Oh yeah, and remember skorts?
I'm wearing one.
It's not even a concealing color.
It's denim.

I take step one,
I'm a supermodel!

Step two,
Legs are trembling...

Step three,
Pee is trickling down the legs...

Step four,
My bladder *EXPLODES*

I freeze, look down,
and pray that it will stop.
I guess I'm just not that lucky.

The model teacher runs to me and
rushes me to the bathroom.

I lock myself in the stall and cry
like a baby who still pees her pants.

Good thing I learned my lesson...
BAAAAhaha!
Not even close.
I still pee my pants.
It's been a couple years though!
I'm keepin my fingers crossed!!
(and my legs)

Embarrassing Moment #578

New Years Day 2006

I'm obsessed with DDR.
If you don't know what DDR is you're lame
and I shouldn't even explain, but I will.
DDR stands for
Dance Dance Revolution
**cough*loser*cough**

Fist pump to everyone who knew
what I was abbreviating!

Anyway the night before we had a rockin
80's party in L-town.

I stayed at the house we partied at with my
BFF Kelsey. The next morning I bust my DDR
mats out of my trunk for a little competition.
Yes, I kept them in my trunk.
Boooya! Chest Bump!

This home we stayed at is housed by many boys.
I know, I know, I'm a sinner!

All I had was my 80's outfit and it wasn't
DDR comp material, so I borrowed
some shorts from one of the fellas.

Let the dancing begin!!!

I'm rockin out to one of my fave songs
when two boys who don't live there show up.
I pay them no attention because I'm in the zone.

Prepare to judge me harshly.

It should be noted that at this time
in my life I wasn't big on wearing underwear?!
Don't ask me why!!

I blame it dancing and massage school.
You could never wear undies with tights
and spandex AND I had to get naked
everyday at school and underwear
was just one more thing to put on
and take off.

One of the boys who shows

up has a video camera rolling.
The other boy runs over pulls on my shorts and...
HOLY SHIZ, MOTHER FRICK

I've been depansted!!!!

And I'm still jumping...

my shorts are down to my ankles and
my white booty is bouncing for all to see.

I still thank my lucky stars that everyone in the room

was sitting behind me instead of in front of me.

I made sure the video was destroyed,

but just in case I did not name names on purpose.

So there's no need to go looking for it

OK?! Ok.