"I Wanna Lie on the Beach and Eat Hot Dogs. That's All I've Ever Wanted."

Today when I got to work and decided to

be productive I took the

"Which character are you most like on The Office Quiz"

on Facebook.

I'm Kevin

Then I wanted to let people know that I am Kevin so I'm diggin all over in my purse looking for my phone and I've got nothin. Go out to search my car and nothin.

I come back into work and decide to call it just to make sure.

And suddenly I feel this strange vibration on the left side of my chest.

Yup, it was in my bra.

"Wait, back up. Do you think that I'm retarded?"

I Need an Elephant Tranquilizer

ATTENTION ALL SINGLES

IF YOU EVER GET MARRIED...

ELOPE.

I've turned into the most ornery person I know.

I'm like Mrs. Jumbo when she gets pissed.

And my dependency on Pepsi is growing. So, who knows?!

Maybe I will turn into Mrs Jumbo.

Don't cross me or I'll take you down and my fat butt is going right on your head.

Yo Homie, Where You At?!

Here's tha deal yo. I was gonna hook y'all
up PHAT with some a dem engagement pics,
know what I'm sayin,
but we bounced and got a new photographer.

So dis post won't be flashy
and all dat, but if you want an invite to
da dopest wedding around L-Town
hit me back with your address
ya heard?!

flutterby_501 at hotmail dot com

Peace and Love

{Yes, I'm still white. I just started typing and the words started to flow. I can roll with anybody.}

Overreacting? I Don't Think So.

Stuff I Need Before the Big Funeral

{I mean wedding. Haha Oopsy}

1. A total body reconstruction.
Complete with a fantastic booty, perky breasts, and a waist smaller than
the "thing" that men who drive big trucks are compensating for.

2. Crack Cocaine

3. A mom and a mother in law who aren't
on two completely different ends of the spectrum
{it's not that I don't love you, you just couldn't be more different.}

4. A wedding coordinator who has her shiz together.
Really. There's about to be a smack down and we
aren't even that far into it.

5. A couple stiff drinks.

6. A cheap, yet exotic, honeymoon to fall into my lap.

7. A magical cure for cold sores from the Herepes Fairy

8. A year supply of Xanax.