If you're happy and you know it clap your (fat )hands!

I don't have much to say, but I need something to do so I'm jotting down some LOL's from the peeps in my life lately. Maybe they will make you laugh. Maybe you had to be there.

"Any of the ones that might even look attractive are all full of styrofoam!"
- My Grandma Babe talking about boobs.

"I knew they were jackin us off!"
-Someones mom talking about shopping

"Oh, is that where they all got sent to those penetration camps?"
-My BFF talking about the holocaust

"Ok, I'll have a number 2 and I want it doggy style"
- My work friend trying to order her burger at In N Out

And here's a prego update.

1- There is no ladylike way to get out of a car in a dress when you're 8 months pregnant. If anyone has been watching me today I know for a fact that they got a nice garment peep show because I'm not even attempting to make my car exits pretty.

2 - I will no longer leave the water running when I brush my teeth because every night when I try to heave myself from bed to pee for the bajillionth time, I have more and more sympathy for beached whales. SAVE THE WHALES PEOPLE!

3- My fingers are so swollen! I hate it. It looks like I have 5 teeny weenies on each hand. Everytime I look down at them I swear it's like looking at some weird homo porno. Who wants a special handshake?!

4 - I quit faking it last week. No, I'm not talking about the sexuals. I'll keep you guessing on that one. I'm talking about how I'm a total beeotch. It's a known fact that I possess severe intolerance for most people, but I can hide it pretty well. I've been a receptionist for 5 years, for crying out loud! I've pretty much got a bachelors in acting by now. Well, I think those 5 years of fakeness combined with a rapid 30 pound weight gain have done me in. I could snap and kill someone at any minute. A guy at work put a pen back in my pen cup today and I was totally pissed at him for it. I didn't even say thanks. I just glared at him so hard he probably crapped his pants from confusion and nervousness. Nevermind that he was doing me a favor and returning a pen he borrowed. He was in my personal space and he shouldn't be taking my stuff in the first place! So, save yourselves! Send me to the looney bin and put me in a straight jacket. (good luck finding one that fits!)