Do you know him? Does he call you at home?

Ok so I don't have my pics back yet, but I wanted to blog about the joys of working in customer service. Particularly the joys of answering incoming phone calls. I love it when people ask me questions that make me wonder if the whole world is mentally challenged. For example...

me: Good morning! How may I direct your call?
customer: To Peter, please
me: He's on his phone right now, would you like his voicemail?
cusomer: No, I need to talk to him

Let's take a break for some commentary. Seriously, what kind of option do you think that answer leaves me with? Should I disguise my voice and pretend like I'm Peter so you feel like you're talking to him? Would that make you people happy?!!! So I answer like this...

me (still calm and collected): Well you could hold for a minute if you'd like.
customer: *sigh (so huge and exasperated that if a small dog were nearby it would blow away)* I guess.
me after a minute or so: He's still on the phone. Would you like to continue to hold?
customer: Well, do you know how long he'll be?

Hmmm.... Do you even know how long you'll be? Did you think you'd be on hold waiting to speak to Peter for this long? Nope ya didn't! But if you were wondering how you've suddenly put on those extra 20 pounds I'd be more than happy to tell you it's because you're difficult on the phone. You'd rather waste 5 minutes on hold and be irritated while you're munchin on your Doritos and swiggin a Pepsi than take a voicemail and use that extra time run a lap around your cubicle or do some butt clenches. Whew! Didn't see that one comin' did ya?! Life's full of curve balls, isnt it! So how the Helen Keller do you expect me to know how long someone else will be on the phone for? If you are a person who asks this question please stop. And really, I get asked this question enough that I'm thinking of putting mini shock collars on everyones phones and when 5 minutes is up I'll push a button that will shock the crap out of them so that they're forced to hang up. Then I'll have you're answer!

me (not calm at all cuz I've had it with dumb effers that day): I have no idea how long he'll be on the phone for. I don't know who he's talking to or what they're taking about. So you can hold or you can go to his voicemail. Those are your options.
customer: Uh... I'll take his voicemail.
me: Ok! One moment please.

And some of you may think I'm over exaggerating, but I'm dead serious. Nothing irritates me more that the "How long will he be" phone question. I understand that the customer really does need to speak to Peter, but he doesn't need to act like he's the #1 priority. I'm sure this isn't life or death. I work at a car dealership, not a hospital.