Terrixcited

K, I'm going snowboarding for the first time EVER tomorrow!!! I haven't even been on skis since I was like 10. And I couldn't ever get off of the lift without falling. Ha! Then the dude would stop it and come over and help me up and I'd be all awkwardly shy and embarrassed and oh my.... let's just not even go there.
B.U. I took you with me once, I'm sure you remember. :)

On ward ski nights my parents would always just sit up in the lodge and send me out with a trainer. And then the next day at school I'd get made fun of for still having to be taught year after year. I'd just tell the kids I was with my sister, not a trainer ,and they would believe me cuz the other kids were always whizzin past me while I was on my butt in the snow. The trainer was always a dude too. Sorry sisters. I gotta protect my rep.

I'm a little bit excited and a lot a bit terrified.
Any advice and prayer offerings would be appreciated because I need another hospital bill about as bad as I need another patch of cellulite on my A.

Crawlin The Walls

Sometimes my job is beyond boring! I used to read, but they put the kibosh on that and surfing the net can only be entertaining for so long. Plus I feel like my eyesight is going.... and my work blocks like everything. Facebook, Myspace, Games, Midget Porn. I seriously just can't win! Anyway, I've found a couple of fun things that keep me entertained that I thought I would share.

80's Lyrics Quiz

This is a little fill in the blank 80's songs thing that's kinda fun.

There's a 90's one too, but I'm way better at the 80's one.

Oh wait! My job isn't totally boring! I get to talk to crazies who never shutup. For example: I just got the privilege to speak with the "Owner" of Hill Air Force Base...

He must be the whole Air Force. Watch Out! He's a big deal.

50 States in 10

This one is good for when you have 10 specified minutes to waste. The end of the day, Right before lunch break, when Mr. Crazy comes up and there's a clock ticking down on the screen and I say... I'm sorry Sir, I'd love to talk to you, but I have to take a test and I only have 8 minutes and 36 seconds left." Point to screen. "Have a good day!" Fake smile... and I'm free!And I'm now addicted to a little matching game called Midas Majhong. I have to be very sneaky when I play though, cuz if I'm not I'll get in trouble.

Stick it To the Man!

And that's about it other than blog stalking. I need help! And it's not like I'm lazy. I've asked for more responsibilites and been shut down. TWICE. I was told... My most important job is to answer the phone and greet customers, but when the phone doesn't ring and customers don't come in and I'm done with everything else what the crap am I supposed to do?!!! Pick my nose until I find my brain? Sorry, but ew.

So, if anyone has anything they need done such as knitting, prank calls, thank you notes, vaca planning, shopping, cooking (we have an oven and a stove upstairs), blackmailing etc... I'm your girl!

Apples to Apples, Dust to Dust

Ok I'm doing better. The sun started shining and it's amazing how a little bit of exercise can make you feel like a million bucks! I haven't been tanning yet and I didn't think it was that big of a deal until I gave some massages this weekend and my arms were as white as people's backs that haven't seen the sun in YEARS people! Years...*shudder*

And this guy at work keeps telling me I look pale or he'll say "You look really white today"
I know he's just concerned, but I'm gettig a complex.
Too bad I can't pull of Nicole Kidman's see through skin look.

We played Apples to Apples with my family last night and I can't remember the last time I threw up so much in my mouth. At least it was fresh. :)

Alright if you haven't played before #1 you should get out more and #2 this is how it's played
The judge picks a Green card with a word on it. Everyone else playing has 7 Red cards in their hand. The other players throw in one Red card that they think is a desribing word of the Green card and the judge picks the best one.

Seriously, this is what happened. My Mom was the judge and her Green card word was Sensuous meaning desirable, erotic, heavy, hot, provacative, passionate, seductive, sexy, steamy, x-rated. Take your pick.
And my Dad throws in the card... MY PAST.

There's more.

My Dad was the judge and his Green card was Sexy.
My mom throws in... HANDCUFFS.
And then when my Dad was debating on which Red card to pick cuz he didn't want to spend the night cleaning up vomit my Mom kept screaming "Handcuffs are SEXY!!!"
And she wouldn't stop ... :(

There was one more incident, but I just started blocking them out, so when you're saying your prayers tonight be sure you don't forget to add that you're eternally grateful that you were spared.

To: those kinky freaks (my parents)
From: your offspring (me)
I can't even look you in the face anymore so after I spoon my eyes out do me a favor and send me away.
I hope you guys have saved enough money to put me in a padded room.
Thanks a lot.

Who am I?

I feel... weird. I think it's the BS weather. Winter seriously depresses me. And not like "OMG it's snowing! I think I might die" depression. It's like I want to pack up without a word, move away where no one knows me and where I can get down my driveway without droppin the F bomb and almost crashing my car into a tree/fence/snow drift. I just don't feel like myself.

I sound like that commercial.


Where does depression hurt?
Everywhere.
(picture me huddled over on the couch with a grayish cast to my face)

Who does depression hurt?
Everyone.
(picture Derrick in the next room, with a face full of pain and worry and about to cry because I've turned into a vegetable)


I think I'm a pretty happy person for the most part, but like yesterday I bought a new car and I'm not even excited. What kind of a sick freak doesn't get excited about a new car? I guess if it were free I would have liked it better.


So here's the plan.

The Gym.
It's time to pump some iron, sweat Gatorade, and pee clear because all I drink is water.

How can I sweat Gatorade when all I drink is water?

I'm just that talented. Put me on a commercial!

Fake Bake.
But I won't tell anyone. I'll just pretend it's natural and if you catch me I'll you tell my doctor recommended it because I need the Vitamin D. Leather skin will become my best friend.

Learning.
I NEVER LEARNED TO READ! I want to take a class. In anything. Dance, Anatomy, Planned Parenthood.
Haha!!! JK guys. I got you good though. Admit it.


I think that this little sadness problem is the reason for lack of posts. So New Years was fun, Christmas was great and if you see me passed out in the street from overexertion at the gym or because I sobbed myself into a puddle of tears and melted snow. (the snow melted cuz I'm smokin hot from the gym OR uvb rays are cooking my insides and trying to find their way out.) Please pick me up and slap me across the face. If I'm a REAL mess you can kick me in the crotch or punch me in the ovaries (they'll be shriveled up like raisins from tanning anyway).

I won't even be mad.