Alrighty, I know I already said NY was way fun, but I'm saying it again... NY was some totally awesome wicked bodacious heck yes fun! First of all, I flew all by myself there and back like a big girl which to some of you might not be so impressive, but I've only flown once when I was like 15 and I was with my whole family. One step closer to pulling on my grown up pants... yes!
Next of all I learned to listen to my mother. She was nagging me to get an epi pen and a medical bracelet before I left and I just kept thinking, no I'll be fine. It's no biggie, I NEVER have allergic reactions. It's been 4 years since the last serious one and the one before that was like 19-20 years ago. Anyone else in my shoes would have felt invincible too. And then fate stepped decided it was time to give Ashley a fall to the ground, bawl your eyes out, and not even care that you are acting like a huge wuss in front of a crowd, squirrel tap.
Kels dropped me off at the mall to do some shoppin while she finished work, and I hadn't ate lunch yet so I stopped at the food court. I was walking by this place and the lady goes "Sample?" and I was like "Sure, what is it?" And she says "
Teryaki Chicken" I pop it in my mouth and it's so succulent and delish I'm next in line sucking what's left of the flavor off of my toothpick. I get some broccoli, some chicken, and some rice and sit down to feast.
I'm on the phone with Derrick and about 5 minutes into my din din my chest and my throat start to feel really tight. And I'm like Oh no!... I gotta get outta here and find a somewhere to buy some Benadryl because I bought a new purse the day before and I switched purses that day and left my Benadryl out. This mall I was at is huge and I suck at directions so I had a hard time finding my way out, and the whole time I'm like panicking because I've never been here before so once I get out how the crap am I supposed to know which way a gas station is?
Tight chest/throat + lost+alone+ in a elevator = Panick Attack!
I finally make it outside and start heading the direction where the most people are. The bonus was that K-Dawg lives in a nice part of New York so I wasn't scared of being taken into a back alley and beaten to a pulp, not that that would scare me anyway because I had mace in my new huge purse. (Which is stupid because by the time I'd found it in my purse, taken the lock off, and sprayed it in someones eyeballs I'd be a gonner regardless) The heavens open up to me and I see a Wal-Mart sign like 2 blocks away so I book it over there grab some Benadryl and a Pepsi and drug up.
I'm feeling calm and in control on my way back to the mall until I get inside and my eyes start to feel so dry that they are burning and I can't see as much as I usually can. Then the palms of my hands start to itch and I start to scratch them and I notice my hands are blowing up and it's moving up my arms! I sit on some stairs in a store and feel my eyes and realize that they are being swollen shut! Here comes another panic attack.
I'm on the phone with Derrick again and I'm crying because my stomach feels like it's being ripped to shreds and I can't breathe. Derrick is trying to calm me down and tells me to go find a worker and ask them if they have a first aid, so I do and she takes me to Mall Security. Gosh, they're so tough, I'm envious of the power their gold badges and goofy black hats hold, but that's a whole different story.
The rest of the mall is a little blurry cuz I was lying on a bench crying and hurting and talking to like 10 people at once, picturing my death and trying to repent. They called the ambulance and right as soon as they ambulance got there I spewed in the garbage can and I feel TONS better and I tell them I don't want to go to the hospital anymore and they say you have to go to the hospital, and I say what if I don't want to pay for it, but they don't care. The next thing I know I'm strapped to the gurney and away we go.
I get to the hospital and they take me in and wheel me up next to this chick.
No, not Kelsey. The old New York lady behind her with no teeth that CONSTANTLY talks to herself (even in her sleep) and then freaks out when she's actually trying to talk to someone and no one pays here any attention. This one time she just kept repeating the same thing over and over and then all the sudden she just screams "Excuse me! I have to go to the bathroom!" and someone goes to take her and she won't put her shoes on. She was a mess And all the nurses and doctors are trying to figure out how she got there and what they should do with her now because all she came in for was heartburn. I told K-Dawg she better quit buying purses all the time or that's her future, but I was jk. But she does have TONS of purses.
This is getting really long so I'll sum it up. Kelsey gets there and we've been waiting for like an hour and I still haven't been paid any attention. So I start videotaping the old lady just so I can prove the insanity of this ghetto hospital and the male nurse that looks like he just came in off the sreet comes to give me my drugs yells at me for videotaping in ER, but I played it totally cool, like I really wasn't. He gave me a steriod and Benadryl straight to the veins and I was getting so sleepy, but so pumped at the same time, but Kels told me that I'd better not work out for a while so I don't bulk up. Thank goodness my once a month workout was already over. Whew! That was a close one.
We were there for like four hours when it was only supposed to be an hour and I basically healed myself afterI threw up. I have no idea what made me allergic. And the nurse told me I look like Hilary Duff. Does Hilary have a huge face and eyes so puffy that she looks Chinese? I haven't seen her for a while. I shoulda played it off like I was Hilary, then they could send her my bill and I woulda been out of there WAY faster. Seriously I could have been working in Chinatown and no one would have suspected a thing. I've been to Hunan enough to know how they talk.
You like? Is very nice. I give you forty-fi($45), speshah price juss for you. No? How much shu want? twenny-fi($25)? How bou twenny-A ($28)? Is my price, is my price.
So seriously here's to you kimbe222. I'll never take your infinite wisdom for granted again. Unless I think you're wrong. :)
4 comments:
You're an idiot. I am so glad that you finally learned the most important thing that you were sent to earth to learn (see post title). :)
HaHa...That was the perfect explaination of that Fabulous day...Just remember you got to keep your Pepsi!..Kels
Wow! That story brings me back to the days when we were seniors, and after you ate you would stand up, then I would hear a thump, and you'd be on the ground. The only difference was that you were a. alone, b. in New York City, and c. a mall security guy and a bunch of weirdos helped you. Actually come to think of it, it sounds about the same. Being with a bunch of hormonal high school kids and something serious happening is like being alone. As soon as something serious happens everyone splits because they don't want to get the blame. And it happened at Denny's...that is a breeding ground for weirdos. I'm glad you're ok.
Holy brown noser! I am glad that you're ok though Hilary.
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