Let There Be Light

Derrick took me up to Preston on Wednesday night to look at the lights. There's this house up there that is CRAZY! I can't imagine what their electricity bill is.

From the Road

Some Lawn Decor

The Roof

I heard this is the last year these crazies are doing this, which is sad cuz we go up there every year. :( If you wanna see it you better get up there quick!

Shout Hooray!

My sister and my nephew both had b-days in the last little while, so it's time for the name thing!!!

We'll start with Caleb

C-Cute

A - Adorable

L - Little

E - Energetic

B - Baby

And now for Britt Britt

B - Bangin

R - Radical

I - Infamous (she's more than famous)

T - Tantilizing

T - Terrific

N - Not 30 Yet

I - Incredible

Happy B-day Peeps! Love ya

I Get Knocked Down, But I Get Up Again

Well, life was good. I just payed my car off, my insurance dropped this summer and then BAM! I almost hit a cement barrier with my car. I'm alive though.

Here's a full report from the victim/driver/freakin idiot

To get home from work I have to turn left onto a highway that's in a canyon. So I wait in the median and look in my rearview and kinda pick up speed so I can pull to the right and go with the flow of traffic. On Saturday I was doing just that and when I looked to the front of me I realized that I was coming up on the cement wall that comes in place of the median a little too fast, so I freaked. I hurried and swerved to the right to miss it and when my tires hit the rumble strips I could tell trying to steer my car was a lost cause. I just let go. Then I heard metal crunch and I was airborn.

When I landed I could tell that a few of my bottom teeth were not where they should be. And then I really freaked because I had a dream like 2 nights before the accident that those exact same teeth were loose in my mouth and I pulled them out! So I pulled those suckers back into place and that's when I realized I was stuck inside my car. Cue claustrophobia. I was crawling around frantically wondering where the crap my seats went and where my door handles were. Then I saw a girl tapping on my rearview window. She came and opened my passenger door and I was free.

My shoes flew off somehow so I'm walking around in a panic and everyone started asking me how old I was and what my name was and stuff and I kept saying I'm 21, I'm 21. :( I'm really not. How sad.

Then they sit me in a car and I start crying hysterically and shaking all over. It still makes me queasy to think about what happened. All these what if's and why's keep running through my head. I just take a Vicodin and that seems to make it stop. I see a lady being put on a stretcher and some little kids getting out of a car and I start crying even more hysterically. Did I kill someone? Did I hurt the kids? Why didn't anybody tell me I hit another car? Where's my brain? Did I leave that in my car?

This lady starts calling an ambulance for me and I'm on the phone with Derrick and he's like if you think you'll alright I'll just come up and get you so you don't have to pay for the ambulance. And I was like ok. No ambulance for me. And then the lady starts pushing me to go, but I freakin don't want one or think I need one. She reluctantly hands me some papers to sign and I step out of the car to get into Derrick's truck.

Whoa! Cop in my face. "Where's your insurance card? I need it. Do you think it's in your car?" Points to my upside down car like he wants me to go crawling through the broken glass to get into my glove box to find it. And he wouldn't lay off it either. Umm I don't know where it is officer sir. Why don't you get down there and find it if you need it so bad. You don't seem to be bleeding profusely from your mouth and in such a state of shock that you don't even care that you're wearing black hooker boots with dark brown work pants.

So anyway I can't ever seem to make a long story short or even a short story short, but for your eyes sake I'll make an attempt

I went to the hospital, nothings wrong except for my mouth and on Sunday I got to have surgery on it. They stitched up the cut on my lip and put stitches all through my teeth and popped a bone in my jaw back into place and I have braces on the back of my bottom teeth. I feel like a 15 year old again. I need someone to take me to Twilight and buy me a magazine with Robert Pattinson on the cover to make me feel better like pronto!

Everyone in the other car is fine. Their airbags deployed and the airbag broke the drivers arm. They said that when they hit me I was on two wheels. People pay other people big bucks for driving skills like that. I'm applying to Nascar. I'd fit in perfectly if I'd lost my teeth. I'd change my name to Racey Carr and make sure I bought a skin tight racin suit and unzip it just enough to stay true to my new first name.

Speaking of racy....

Eat your heart out

Here's my new lips. Move over Angelina.

Here's ma noo Grill

Extreme Close Up (Kinda sick huh?!)

Yeah, you like that? There's more where that came from.
Quit covering your eyes. Don't fight it.

And here's what's left of The Black Beauty

Now I'll count my blessings. One By One

1. I didn't kill anyone

2. My 7 pound holiday weight gain will be nonexistent this year because I've taken up anorexia due to my awesome mouth wounds

3. I get a new car

4. It could have been a lot worse than it was

5. I got a lot of drugs

6. My insurance is covering a lot more than I thought they would.

I could go on but I'll stop with

7. My wonderful family and friends

I'm very lucky to have such great people in my life and it seriously chokes me up to even type about it. How gay am I? (not in that way)

To prevent my keyboard water damage I'll make it short and sweet.

Here's a total sincere heartfelt shout out and thank you and I love you and I don't know where I'd be without you to all the people that I'm thankful for and that I love and that I don't know where I"d be without!

*****SHOUT OUT*****

Crikey to the Sweet Pork and Aye Matie to the Movie!

So I made Sweet Pork, Cilantro Lime Rice, and Cilantro Ranch Dressing on Saturday in hopes that we would be able to have Costa Vida salads! Apparently my reading skills weren't up to par that day because I didn't realize that the pork takes like 6 hours to make.

I go to the store get the stuff I need and apparently Wal-Mart doesn't carry tomatillos (yeah, if you're thinking "What the crap is a tomatillo?", we were on the same page).

So I went home put all the stuff in the crock pot that needed to go in and then went to Smiths to find a tomatillo. They had some woot woot and then I went to Sugar and Spice to buy some cute Christmas lights. So I was gone like an hour. Come back home and realize that the POS crock pot Derrick has doesn't work. :(

Get back in the car and go back to Walmart to get a new one on Black Friday weekend. I must be mental. All the crock pots that were under $30 were gone.

Shopko it is. I found some! But I'm a total debater when it comes to purchases like that because I'll want it to last for a long time and I'm going to want it to match my kitchen when I grow up. Do I go sophisticated and get a stainless steel one cuz I might have a stainless steel appliance kitchen one day or do I get a red one so it throws a little color and warmth and freakin awesome fun spunk into cooking or do I get black because it goes with everything from modern to traditional. Except it doesn't go with brown. And what if I want a neutral cream tan and brown kitchen when I grow up? I just got black and said screw it.

She's a beaut isn't she? Totally worth the stress.

Go back home, throw the food the new CP and start hanging up the Christmas lights I got at Sug and Spi and break a bulb. My life sucks. Turns out my sweet pork won't get done until like 12:30 AM so me and Derelict went to Fredricos with Gordon and Godi for din din.

We didn't even have time to eat our Salads until last night, but they were dang good! Totally drool worthy. Whoever figured out these recipes is a genius. Who knows if I'll ever take the time to make it again because it's easier just to buy it, but I'm excited for my lunch today cuz there's tons of leftovers! Only half an hour to go!

After we ate Derrick took me to Australia. This is the best movie I"ve seen in a long time! Two very enthusiastic thumbs up. I loved it and I loved Hugh. He does a good job at being the Sexiest Man Alive.

The recipes I used for the delish salads are here... Click Me

Twigh-love or Twigh-lame?

Attention Die Hards

Do Not Read, if You Don't Want to Be Offended

If You Do Read Please Don't Plot My Death

It's Just An Opinion

Where do I begin? I'll begin at the beginning. I was given the first Twilight book to read. Read it, liked it. Then I read the second one. Hated it. Then I read the third one and I'm having trouble recalling what happened in that one (I know, I know. I'm going to hell cuz I've only read them once. James might as well come back to life and kill me. I'd let him though. He's a Hottie Pants Vampire) but I do remember liking it. And then I finished the fourth one and I didn't really like it at all. So when I heard the movie was coming out I was like cool, I'll have to go see it.

But the girls at my work were like "BAAAHH!!!!! Twilight movie! OMG! My life is almost complete! Now all I need is a lifesize Edward poster so he can watch me in my sleep!" It's like if it even came up in covo they went into heat. And these girls aren't 16 anymore either. And they're married. So the movie came out and a girl from work went to see it at midnight on Thurs. I walk in the office at 8:00 on Friday and all I'm hearing is Edward, vampire, swoon, suck blood, Bella, Jacob, love on and on and on, So I leave. I go back in around 10:00. They're still Twilight struck. I go back in at 1:00 and I actually had to stay in there for a minute.

Girl 1 (hasn't read the books or seen the movie, but still seems to be obsessed) : "Well how come Edward can stand to be around Bella and not suck her blood, Cuz I know in all the other vampire movies I've seen if a vampire wants a woman he's attracted to he'll just bite her and turn her into a vampiress to be one of his women."

Girl 2 (seen movie 3 times that I know of, and read the books like a gazillion times): "Well cuz Edward loves her so much that he doesn't want to hurt her."

Girl 1: Says pretty much the same thing over again... and then, "Well how come Edward can do that?" Blah Blah Blah

Me(piping up for the first time all day) : Ummm It's Make Believe.

Girl 2 looks at me the way little kids do when they find out Santa isn't real. I saw the shock and the hurt and the disbelief all rolled into one.

Girl 1 turns around and snaps back, "Well I know that, but" and asks the same question over again that she's been asking the entire time.

I leave the room, once again, and don't return.

Yesterday I saw the movie with my mom. What a freakin joke! If I hadn't read the book I probably would have walked out or if I was feeling dramatic I would have bought a licorice rope and tried to hang myself with it. The first hour and a half bites the weenie. And there were grown women there actually laughing at the parts they attempted to make funny. i.e. When Charlie is loading the gun, when Jacob's dad tries to get down with the way teens talk. The only explanation I can offer is that they've just been weaned off of Little House on the Prairie.

Even if I was a 15 year old, I still would have thought this movie sucked. "You'd better hold on tight spider monkey" ??? I almost threw up the Wendys I snuck into my purse to eat in the theatre.

Does Bella even smile with her teeth through any of it? She needs to get off the "depressed teenager because I'm so much more mature than my mom, and my dad, and everyone else I come in contact with combined" phase like pronto or she's gonna get her face kicked in.

I did like the baseball game and the ballet room. Edward was better than I thought he would be. Charlie and Jacob were my favorite though.

If a movie this craptacular can make 70 million in one weekend I can understand why we're in a financial crisis.

Sorry to be a Bella and Edward hater, but I Yam What I Yam.

On a lighter note

This is the best Twilight related media I've seen

Ang the Awesome

Super Crazy Busy Tear my own Hair out of My Head Weekend!

It was Angela's b-day this weekend! She's lookin good for 29! She must have inherited Grandma Babe's genes. Lucky!

Brittni made her this adorable Rainbow Brite cake, but we didn't eat it. We ate a Kent's cake (best frosting ever) and opened presents and played cards. It was fun.

As a tribute to my sista here is a thingy with all the letters of her name that describe her.

A - Adorable

N - Naughty

G - Grrr baby

E - Extraordinary

L - Love Machine

A - Amiable

I Give You.... Derelict!

Happy (late) B-day

Pooky Bear Snuggle Bug Handsome Face!!!

Yup, my 5'10, pure muscle, blond hair blue eyed, goatee sporting, football loving, hunk of love boyfriend that won't watch any movies unless there's gonna be some violence or brief nudity in them is one year older! I'll let you do the guessing at how old he is. I don't want to give out too much info to any stalkers out there!

On Thursday night I had him blindfolded and took him up to Sherwood Hills Spa and we got the best hot stone massages! Yum! He totally knew where we were going the whole time though because he sat paid attention to every turn, and the railroad tracks, and the curves in the road, and the speed limit and the stop signs. He knows Logan like the back of his hand. Ridiculous. And then to top it off when I got him inside the phone rang and the girl at the front desk was like "Sherwood Hills Resort". Lame, but it was still fun.

On Friday I went to his house and took him his presents and then we went and got smoothies and then we went and sat in the massage chairs at Fisher Home Furnishings for like EVER. I should hate those things because they put me out of business, but we were in heaven. Derrick found one that massaged his butt and I found one that stretches your body out. I'm looking forward to fake shopping for furniture again sometime soon!

Then we drove down to Tepanyaki and... Surprise!

A bunch of his friends were there at the same time we were! Talk about coincidental. This was the best part of his b-day in my opinion. The food is to die for and I'm still alive despite the 4 pounds of butter they used on it and the company was fantastic because all of Derrick's friends married cool people (that eliminates the fake awkward "I'm nice to you because I have to be" part of married couple hang outs and church gatherings that happens all too often) and our waitress totally complimented my rack which was kind of embarrassing, but flattering because she thought I bought Barnes and Noble, but I didn't! I just inherited good genes. Thanks Mom! And she told Derrick that he looks like early early 20's. He liked that.

And THEN we went to his parents house for Sunday dinner on Sunday believe it or not(weird... I know) and had a birthday celebration feast. We're talkin steak, shrimp, salads, homemade rolls, the freakin works. I know you're all jealous.

Talk about a super duper birthday weekend!

I'll make one of those name describing things for him too.

D - Delectable

E - Easy

(take it however you like)

R - Radical

R - Ridiculously Good Looking

I - Irresistable

C - Courageous

K - Kinky

(I don't even know what that means. I promise, it's just all I could think of)

Thanks for being born and staying alive babe!

Would You Rather?

I'm starting a Would You Rather Poll every week it'll be at the top of my page to the right. Don't forget to vote! (even all you anonymous stalkers) It's easy. All you have to do is pretend that someone is going to force you to do one of the things and pick which one you would be most likely to choose if forced.

Example:

Would You Rather...

Have a butt full of worms

OR

A mouth full of ticks?

Hmm this is a tough one! I'm going to go with a butt full of worms because they move slower and don't suck blood. Anyway I used to play this with a group of friends sometimes and it was fun to see what people will decide. Derrick got me a whole book full of them for a present one time! Yay! So, some of them will be from the book and some of them will be ones I make up. If you have one that you make up that you want me to post

your wish will be granted.

Get your bums to the poll!

My Current Obsession

IDK why I'm blogging about this. I'm just that bored I guess.

Maybe it will help someone who has my same dilemma.

Every once in a while I will go through this weird stock up on

stuff and see how cheap I can find it phase.

This spring and summer it was books.

Then I decided I want a signature scent,

so when people smell it they're like hmm...

fun, bangin, adorable, irresistible
It must be Ashley :)

so now...
it's perfume

Here's how the hunt is going

First purchase:

Princess by Vera Wang

I love this smell! And the bottle is freakin cute! The things that suck about this is that it's an EDT and not an EDP so it doesn't last very long and it's pretty expensive so I hate to have to reapply like every two hours and everytime I put it on it would give me a headache. But it smelled so good I didn't even care. It's pretty fruity with some musk, amber and vanilly mixed in when it dries. Perfect smell, but doesn't last. I heard the body butter lasts longer than the spray, so I might have to get some of that.

Next:
Light Blue by Dolce and Gabbana

Whenever I smell this on people I LOVE IT and can totally recognize it. It's light and clean and a little bit woodsy, but as far as the spray on the card thing goes I smell too much green apple and it just doesn't appeal to me so I don't really know why I got this. Maybe I just felt like being trendy. I actually didn't buy the real thing. InStyle makes an imitation that smells just like it for $11 so I got some of that instead of spending like $70. Anyway it was just an impulse buy and I got it because I love the way it smells on other people, but I couldn't force myself to put it on me because I didn't want to smell like a Jolly Rancher all day. A lady fom my work bought it from me and it smells way good on her. Maybe I'll buy another bottle cuz it's so cheap and try it out. Bottom line. I'm a freak to buy a perfume and not ever even try it on myself cuz I don't like the way it smells on paper.

Next:
Ed Hardy by Christian Audigier

This is a really good one for summer. It's kind of like Princess where it starts out really fruity and then fades to a musky amber. There's no vanilla though and it's not quite as cotton candy sweet as Princess is. It doesn't stay as long as I would like it to, but I get compliments when I wear it. I guess to sum it up it's sweet and musky. I wore it all summer so I'm kind of sick of it, but I'm sure I'll like it again next summer.

Next:

Dream Angels Heavenly by Victorias Secret

My cousin would always put this on when we were getting ready to go somewhere and she always smelled good. Not overpowering or too girly or anything. Just soft and pleasant and good. So being the numero uno fragrance in America and since I found the big bottle on the internet for like 30 bucks I thought I'd give it a shot. This perfume smells like butt on me! Death by fragrance. I hated it when I first put it on. So the night I got it, right before I went to bed I decided to spray a little on again, just to make sure I needed to sell it to someone. Yup I was decided.... Until I woke up the next morning and I smelled freakin fantastic! So now this is a keeper. It just has a weird spicy note at the first that doesn't agree with my chemistry, but after the dry down it actually smells really good. So the pitfalls are smelling like everyone else and I have to wait a while before I can go somewhere for it to smell good on me, but Derrick likes it so since I'm a nice g/f I'll keep it.

Next:

Fantasy by Britney Spears

That's right, I'm contributing to her millions. I also love her new song. This is a good perfume if you like girly foody smells and it has a cute bottle. Some kid bought me this lotion when he was trying to woo me over a couple years ago and I've really liked it ever since. It stays all day, it smells really good. Even my mom likes it, but she can't wear anything that's by "somebody" SJP, Britney Spears, J Lo. You know what I'm talkin about. So anyway I've just always had the lotion, and I decided to buy the perfume cuz I found it cheap and it's just as good as ever. So I guess this is a staple for me, but not my signature.

Coming in the mail:

Very Sexy by Vicorias Secret

A chick on ebay was selling her lotion and her big bottle of perfume that she has hardly used and I outbid all the other poor suckers who were bidding with 15 seconds left! I got them both for like 30 bucks! Holla! I know I like this smell cuz I've used it when my friends have had it. Definitely not a day smelll for work and what not cuz it's a little too strong, but I do remember liking it a lot so it will just be nice to have around.

On my wish list

Viva La Juicy by Juicy Couture

In a word... YUM! This just came out this fall so it will be hard to find it anywhere on the cheap side for a while, but I'm savin up! This could very well be it ladies and gents.

Pray for me!
If anyone has any favorites they think I might enjoy send your ideas my way!

Love your guts and thx for reading!

First Cold Blooded Kill :(

Last Saturday Derrick took me on what he would probably call The Date of a Lifetime and I know he secretly wants me to blog about it so this one's for you Pooky!

We'll start with a little background I rent a basement that has a farm next to it. Mice? Check. Mouse living in my trunk? Check. Mouse living in my house? Check.

DISGUSTING!!!!!

We cleaned out my car to be the best it's ever looked and I put some Peppermint Extract on cotton balls and set them in some places because they hate that smell, so the mouse in my car is gone and the mouse in my basement decided my food wasn't good enough for him so they caught him upstairs. Problem solved. Except all this trap setting must have turned Derrick into a Trappin Fool beacause he decided to catch the raccoons down on the farm.

Pesky Varmint Catching has always been a hobby I've wanted to pursue.

My dreams are FINALLY coming true!

So, he set a live trap and put a twinkie in there and a couple days later, TA DA!!! There's a coon!This isn't a very good shot, but it's the best I could do. This thing was huge! We thought she was going to be mean, but she just looked sad. She looked up at us with these big "please don't kill me" eyes at one point and it seriously just made me want to let her go, but I got to hold the flashlight while Derrick murdered her instead.

Then we go to his friend's shed AKA, The Death Chamber. Serious. It even smelled like death. Let me paint you a picture. There was a coyote body in a black bag with with his skin on the table and this pinkish/white body (a badger) hanging from the ceiling by its legs. The badger's skin was on the table too.

(Side note: I'm grateful I don't have a penis, so I'm not driven to do things like this)

I'm surprised this place send me over the edge.

because it gets worse....

Then they started cracking bones to get the skin to come off of her innocent lifeless dead body! After about an hour of bone crackin and sawing through flesh and fur we made it out of there alive and now Derrick has a raccoon skin in his freezer.

He told me he'd make me some lingerie out of it. Bonus!

I would feel differently about the situation if the raccoon had a fighting chance, but all she wanted was a Twinkie, man.

Anyway, it was the first animal kill Derrick's ever had so

Good trappin/shootin/skinnin dude!

Come and See Your Future!

Horoscopes were designed by yours truly

(and the stars of course)

They took me a long time so

Please take them seriously.

Aries March 21 - April 19th

You may have had a crappy month last month, but there's no use cryin over spilled milk. It's time to have your cake and eat it too. In other words, GET A LIFE! Quit trying to hide who you really are. Do the things that make you happy. You know what I'm talkin about. Don't be bashful. Sing those showtunes out loud! Sleep with your old stuffed animals! Pick your nose and eat it! Stalk your old bf's/gf's and see how ugly their new squeeze and their kids are and laugh! Anything that people don't normally do, you need to do this month if it makes you happy. Who cares if other people are wondering when you came out of the closet or stepped onto the crazy train. As long as you're having fun!

Taurus April 20 - May 20

You are a horned beast and this month it will show! If you're a woman the poor men around you will seriously wonder how you can PMS all month long! And if you're a man, the women around you will start looking through your things to find and hide the 'roids. (not that you need them, you're huge on your own. Deep breaths) Try to relax. Avoid people and things that set you off. Take a shot of whiskey with your diet coke in the morning, but only after you slather yourself in theraputic aromatherapy oil and do some yoga. No one wants to find you in the downward dog gone wrong! Don't rage and drive. It's a full moon in your sign on the 13th (spooky) so let's try to keep the crazy under control.

Gemini May 21- June 21

Oh my Gemini! Is your past creeping back into your life to haunt your A? If it hasn't happened yet, it's about to. It's time to turn to giving unto others to rid yourself of bad karma. Spend as much time serving as you do looking in the mirror or watching football and you'll be golden. Give an ugly person you see a makeover (mirror time bonus b/c you'll be in front of one SERVING as a makeover artist) or give that nerd in one of your classes the phone number of the Butter Face girl who is totally into you, but you don't want to be seen in daylight with. This will help you remember that just because you were born smokin hot that doesn't mean you were meant to be self centered and snotty.


Cancer June 22 - July 22

Sad news... The stars didn't align in your favor this month. People are still going to think you're retarded. Keep your tongue in your mouth while tying your shoes and it's also been predicted that if you keep your fingers out of your nose this month, that will put a significant stop to those nose bleeds you've been having. Keep your chin up (make sure you wipe off the drool) Don't forget your slogan... Life is hawd when people think you're a we todd.


Leo July 23 - August 22

This month is all about indulgence. Leo becomes the Lion! Throw caution to the wind. Take naps at work, eat as much as you want, sleep in, leave the toilet seat up, give dirty looks in church, make whoopy wherever/whenever or be stingy if you don't really like whoopy. If you're late for an appointment, who gives a crap? The world around you is your play-doh. Mold it into something beautiful for you.


Virgo August 23 - September 22

All you virgo's should be in high spirits this month because you've earned it baby! Not wetting the bed last month and changing your underwear at least once every 3 days this month has gotta feel good in and of itself, but if you can keep it up fate has decided to bless you with much more. Not only will people stop talking about how much you stink (Thanks to no more skid marks cuz you change your undies! Woot Woot) and how sad your life must be, but your love life is also going to improve dramatically and you'll be getting some serious boo-tay! Prep the candles, wash your sheets, clean your couch cushions, brush your teeth twice a day, and give in to what the Goddess of Love has to offer.


Libra September 23 - October 22

Feeling unlucky in love? Now's the time for change! Men, let's retire the nickname for you know who and the leopard thong for a while. The ladies aren't going to swoon and surrender to [Insert Name i.e Mojo Master/Tornado Tex/King Cobra/Your Napoleon] any time soon. Stick to your charm and incredible wit. If that doesn't work, stick to alcohol. Ladies, remember the more beer he drinks, the better you're gonna look!


Scorpio October 23 - November 21

Emotionally you may be feeling a little insecure this month. Don't let your insecurities dictate who you are! It's time to get in touch with who you were right when you were fresh out of the womb. We're talking some No Limits November Nudity! Anything goes. Mow the lawn in the buff, Cook dinner for your family totally Nakie, Go to the drive through flashin your bits. People will stare, Kids may cry, but none of that matters because you, my friend, are bangin! Embrace the all natural you!


Sagittarius November 22 - December 21

It's almost your birthday, shout hooray!!! Dull and dreary things might be springing up in your life in the beginning of this month, but not to fret. Things are looking up mid month if you'll step out of your comfort zone. Try something new and adventurous and naughty! Take your blog off of private, just to see if that stalker will really come find you, rent a convertible for an hour and blast the music with the top down and the heater going full blast with sunglasses on in the middle of a storm, eat at the place that gives you the worst gas ever, go to get a massage the next day, and fart your face off, buy silk sheets and sleep completely naked in them and then return the sheets, high five someone in the face as hard as you can and say it was an accident. The possibilites are endless. Mischievious will be your new middle name.


Capricorn December 22 - January 19

Financial woes are everywhere and the holidays are just around the corner! Be practical in your gift giving. No one rememberswhat you got them last year and this year won't be any different. Since you'll be saving money on your gift giving pocket some away because the holidays are the perfect time to exact revenge on your boss/those B.I.'s in Relief Society/your mother in law. Anyone who causes you grief. Make some brownies with dog poo in them or cookies with a super strong laxative and deliver them to your chosen enemy with one of those cutesy little secret goody deliverer holdiay poems and no one will suspect a thing. Happy Revengadays!!! Muah ha ha


Aquarius January 20 - February 18

Your luck is changing! This month should be totally awesome for you! A hot bikini model/Chip and Dale man will show up at your door with 2 full paid hours of sucking face/taking hot pics with them. Your significant other won't even be mad and your friends will be SOOOO jealous. You'll also score some major points with mr/mrs hottie pants (or no pants tee hee)and they say they'll be back next weekend free of charge. Every time you turn on the radio one of your favorite songs will be playing, you'll never have to stop at a red light, and you'll magically lose 20 pounds! Holy crap the stars love you!!! And you're a total sucker! Truthfully the chances of your life improving this month are slim to none. Sorry! Better luck next time.


Pisces February 19 - March 20

Dear Pisces, is your life falling to pieces? Let's take time out and get to the root of the problem. Holiday stress? Money troubles? Want to rip your OWN head off because it constantly feels like your brain might explode? Keep breathin and listen: The stars have sent us Meds! Go to the doc, tell him your troubs and it will be a win win. Your stress will be gone because there's a chilled out weed smokin party in your brain and people will think you're a riot! Limit yourself to just using during the holidays and see what happens. If you're a Mo Mo or a Peter Priesthood you'll fit right in with the rest of the ward. You can even swap meds and see what kind of crazy scripture chasin, funeral casserole bakin fun you kids can get into! Good luck!

Spooktacular

This weekend I decided it was time to get into the Halloween scene, so I went to the Pumpkin Walk with Casey, Caleb, and Britt. I didn't take my camera but it turned out ok cuz the only one I even liked was Noah's Ark. The P Walk was pretty lame this year compared to last year, so sorry it was lame Freeze fam! Please forgive me!

On Sunday Brittni hosted a little BBQ/Pumpkin Carving Party. It was good eatin, good carvin, good company. Best Sunday before Halloween ever!

Cutie Caleb in his Skeleton Shirt

Blakie Eating all the Caramel off of His Apple

Mucho Concentrationo

Griff had food poisoning and had to leave :( but this is pretty much everyone

The Finished Product

Skull-Dylan, Jackolanter-Griff, Edward and Bella - Jordon, Wicked -Me, Skull -Derelict, Jackolantern - Blakie

Hope Everyone has a Happy Haunting this Weekend!!!

Best B&P Day Ever Is On It's Way

In one month from today

My mother will have slaved away

I'll feel my BMI and FP growing

Hopefully they're not showing *blush*

But nevermind about that

I have the secret to not getting totally fat

Which is why, at this time

I'll be at my prime

Because I'll have already binged and purged

And be on my way back for seconds or even *gasp*... THIRDS!!!

I LOVE THANKSGIVING!!!

P.S. Totally thankful for
Toilets and Toothbrushes

Picture Perfect

How adorable is this? All us kids together decorating cupcakes for Halloween. IDK where Ang is. She could be snapping the pic. Hmmm.... Family Trivia Question Below*

What a fun time for this ridiculously good looking family, but wait! What's wrong with that girl on the end? Yeah, you know which one I'm talking about. The one who is just starting her awkward/ugly phase that she may never quite grow out of?
Yup that's the one! Do you think this little girl looks like she's enjoying herself? Or do you think she's stressed that her 2 and 4 year old brother's cupcakes are going to look better than hers if she doesn't put that candy corn in the EXACT RIGHT SPOT?

Further proof that the cutesy slash creative gene passed me over.

I guess I got the crazy instead.

If I'm ever called to the Young Women's, I'm screwed :(

****Family Trivia****

Who saw a photo-op and snapped the picture?

I'm led to believe it was Angela, because just look at that mess in the kitchen (not saying you're messy, just doesn't look like there was a whole lot of "pick up as you go") But Mom's signature is there right in front of Jordon. The black, the red, and the white with a straw sticking out.

Who could it be?

For the First Time I Feel.... Wicked

Heart the play, but the book makes me want to fill my toilet bowl with bleach and dunk my head inside. (To clean out my brain, Duh!) It's naughty! I've read a few books with some naughty parts, but holy crap! Who knew that in the Land of Oz munchkins, tigers, and normal people were gathering to have "S" all together in the same room? I don't even know what to call that. A naked midget circus or like a beastiality orgy. Either way, it's distrubing. I know that the show is coming to SLC soon, so if you were planning on reading this book before you saw the play consider this fair warning from my eyeballs to yours:

To my fellow Pupils, Iris', Sclera, and Eyelids

We see so much. Everything from the beauty of the changing leaves and the setting sun, to the ugliness of a man who wears a brown belt with black shoes, and his hairy butt crack. I'm here to tell you if you want to save yourselves from burning (freakin bleach!) DO NOT READ the book Wicked.

Everyone needs to do their part. If this book is put in front of you, pretend like it's the butt crack or old people gettin freaky, you eyelids need to shut yourselves and stay that way! Another solution would be to cry yourselves out for no reason. (hopefully your person is a girl) If worse comes to worst Iris' and Pupils pull together and hope that your person falls in well. Don't let your person get kicked by a mule, or you'll be pulled back apart.

Sincerely Yours,

Eyeballs in Anguish

Freakin Hot Baby

Stinky Poo Cutie Face

How funny is this thing? It even dressed it (IDK if it's a he or a she) for Halloween. Go ahead. Make one of your own, then come back to mine and lust. :)

Randomness at its Best

My beautiful sista Brittni tagged me so, here goes.

6 More Random Things about Moi

1. The other day I had a client with hair like this...

Now, not only was her hair like that, but she was rockin the HUGE 80's glasses too. Being the fine upstanding member of society I am, I'm curious to know what my obligation is here? Do I take a picture of my client, (I might even bust out the polaroid so she feels at ease), find out the name of her hair stylist, march into her work, put the picture down at her station, and slap her across the face? Would that be crossing the line? I need some input because this lady was a sweet lady. I'm not trying to be a snot, All I'm saying is she needs not be a victim of atrocious 80's hair any longer. I'm just trying to make a difference.

2. The snow came this weekend and for the first time since I can remember, I didn't sink into the depths of depression like I do every other year. I must be getting used to dissapointment from Mother Nature. It snowed on my birthday this year for crying out loud! My birthday is May 1st! (Don't forget to mark your calendars!)

It's supposed to be shorts and a jacket weather on my birthday. Not gloves and snowboots.

3. I'm so excited to go to a Haunted House this year. I didn't go last year, but this year I'm definitely making it a priority. I'm bummed that Rocky Point closed cuz that was my fave. Does anyone know of any good ones?

4. I used to enjoy blog stalking to see what people are doing with their lives, but the more I blog stalk the more I realize BRHS's English program must have sucked big time. What's even more embarrassing is that a lot of these people have a college education. I'm not claiming to be a genius here or that I'm above making typos, but come on people. Let's start with a lesson on there, they're, and their. That's right. There are three of them. Pull out your 3rd grader's English book and learn how to us them. And when you don't appreciate something you should, its called taking it for GRANTED, not granite. Granite is a stone. If you're talking about a baby crying the baby lets out a WAIL. Not a whale, that's what ate Jonah. If you have things you need to get done, you say I have things to DO. Not, due. They're (they are) different. If you read this and you're one of those people who has these kind of problems, don't be a baby and go private cuz you're being made fun of. I'm not making fun. English is hard. I'm just trying to protect our reputation. Just because us BRHS girls are easy and inbred, that doesn't have to mean we're stupid.

Tip of the day: There's (there is) this thing in Microsoft Word called Spell Check. Try it.

5. Someday I want to go to road trip to the Oregon Coast for vacation. It would be cool to check out all the lighthouses and beach shops. And seeing ocean with the mountains would be beautiful.

6. I'm stoked that it's cold enough to start making soup again! I love soup because it warms me up and it always makes a ton so I can eat it for lunch for like a week. So, here's a recipe for some yummalicious soup I like to make.

Tortellini Soup
1 lb. mild Italian suasage
1 onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 cup water
2 (13 oz) cans beef broth
1/2 cup apple juice
1 (28 oz) can crushed or diced tomatoes
3 carrots, sliced bigger
1 cup zucchini, sliced
1 green pepper, chopped bigger
1 t. basil
4 t. fresh parsley, chopped
8 - 12 oz. cheese tortellini
fresh Parmesan cheese, grated

In soup pan, brown sausage, drain or blot.
Add onion and garlic, cook with sausage until tender.
Add all but tortellini. Simmer 30 minutes or more.
Add tortellini 5 -10 minutes before serving.Garnish with Parmesan cheese